Something else

Hello, whomever might be traveling across the inter webs and stumbled upon reading my ridiculous ramblings! I have just been reading through some of my earlier posts and and realizing how ridiculous they are. If your still reading after sitting through those streams of consciousnesses I am predisposed to consider you a very tolerant being. To begin with, and no matter how much I forwarn people at the start of my blogs, I curse a whole fuck load. other than that I have read over some things that I have written when I was younger and reading them from a slightly older person’s perspective sound horribly sexist. This bothers me greatly because I know for a fact that I have always considered all types of humans to be equally insightful (just maybe in their own way) and I hate to think I gave the impression otherwise. 

The post I made in question was the one titled ;”Something I’ve Been Thinking About” in which I described most of the females I had been around at the time only wanting to discuss T.V. or dieting programs. and I seem to blatantly apply this to all desirable women my age group. In retrospect, especially with the exposure to my many sisters who are incredible and who exhibit much more intelligence than myself on a daily basis, I’m shocked to not have corrected this in the proofreading.

Since, I have thankfully met oodles of very intelligent women, and who I may still occasionally lack the self-confidence to talk to comfortably, but who have made me so happy to have known because of their unique wonderfulness. My judgement was a quick and stupid one, based in naivety. So, obviously I do admit to having an overpowering sense of ‘GOOD’ information when the actual life experience is lacking, but at least I can point out my message was that love and, if a child is to be involved, stability is paramount, in my opinion.  And knowing that I have always considered girls to be unequivocally as clever as males, I am accepting this to be a loss of experience and (possibly……… actually most likely) sobriety at the time of writing.

 Anyway, I make disclaimers to my blogs for a reason: I know that I am a wily character and my arches of reasoning are probably riddled with flaws. The only reason I have ever had to justify making my innermost thoughts public is because I know I am someone who only wishes good upon my fellow beings upon this lonely planet we live on, and this will hopefully, one day, counter-act all the negativity that is experienced in the world. But in order to do that I need to be responsible for the negativity I accidentally, but blatantly, put out in the process. So here it is!

Whoever you are, I assume you’re a human, and that we share this planet, That makes us neighbors in my opinion, and I want to be the type to invite you to a lively night of progressive socializing, not offensive gestures and inappropriate urinating spots. Which brings me to another point: 

If you read this blog, you can be rest assured that your opinion has importance in my brain meats. I love writing and I always try to improve the way in which I can get my point across. If you have any critiques I would consider it an honor that you actually took the time to express them to me. But of course, this remains my world in at least one way: I love swearing, so realize that suggestions regarding that won’t be taken very fucking seriously. Thanks!🙂



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Back on the Horse, Pulling the Wagon, Containing the Booze

If one thing can be said that I have shown, time and time again, is that I am extremely dedicated to, it’s taking long breaking from creating ANY new content on this blog. But I’m ok with that! As I’m sure that I have mentioned a number of times, this blog is not a hard-hitting, research rich source of  journalism, but more me just mucking about with my hobby of writing. And for that, I am achieving my goals flawlessly.

Especially now, I do not lack for things to write about. In fact, to shamelessly make the biggest excuse of my career, it may even be that there have been too MANY things going on that they have PREVENTED me from posting regularly. Alas, as much as I wish that this wasn’t something someone could rightfully wave off while shouting “AHHHHH HORSE FEATHERS!” at, it is. I have no other explanation however, so as they say, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

To elaborate a bit on what has actually been going on in my realm of mighty wonders that I call an existence that is so blog worthy, I’ll encapsulate some of the highs and lows for you.

For starters, I wrapped up the incredible  European adventure I was on during the time I went on my most recent break from blogging. During this time, my father died, which was, needless to say, a very big and emotionally significant time in my recent life. And now, I have just returned to college with a brand-monkey-spanking-new major and life goal, which are the major of Food Science(or maybe Microbiology) and the career path to becoming a Master Brewer.

Starting with the former: the rest of my trip around the home of my European  ancestors can be described accurately as a classy medley of fire, alcohol, nature and architecture. No matter where I seemed to go, there seemed to be another random group of Europeans with a house party and a bonfire ready to take me on for another couple nights of music, conversation, booze and fire. Then I would go on my merry little way to the next country, visit a few museums and walk around the cities of Berlin, Manarola, Venice, Interlaken, Deventer, Den Haag, London, Aberdeen and Eastbourne until my feet and(somehow) my legs and soul were bloody.

As mentioned, while I was over on this crazed culture and self-discovering journey my father passed a way. Any other time and this might have seemed a bit too much to bear. But as it was, I had a ton of friendly and loving people that were there for me through this transition in life. I’m sure that if your reading this, and you have had ANY contact with me during this period you should know that it is you I am talking about, but I’ll just take time and drop a few names and share some of my fond anecdotes, just because your worth it.

All the lovely people at Hof van Twello in Holland, which is the farm where I stayed while  get my complete thanks! The experiences, the laughs, the learning, the meals, and (of course) the fires that I shared with you will always be very dear to me.



The people I met while on the road and staying at hostels also have a special place in my heart. Ajay, Richard, from Berlin, I do say, “god damn!” we had some good times. Alex and Athena in Italy, not to shabby of some events either. I hope you do hit me up if you ever come out to California!IMG_3456

Patrick, and Lisa, as wellas the rest of the  Wuhlmaus’s, you kicked the shit out of any other attempt to be hospitable, by anyone… ever. I can’t even express how grateful I am, but just to sum it up a bit: Patrick, thanks for the shirt!🙂

Andy, Ian, Kerry, Nic, Jacob, Milli… What happens in Eastbourne, stays in Eastbourne! Same goes for you, Micheal, Richard and Joep in Enschede! Most of the fires, booze, conversation and architecture I aforementioned, you were responsible for. You have most certainly earned that respect!



Casey! You part Scottish bastard! No matter how hot, loud and damp that little apartment was, nothing could detract from my love of you and the times me, you, and all the blokes at Brew Dog shared. Hope to be back soon! Maybe paying for a room this time, but back!

And, of course, I need to thank all mi-familia over in Holland, Ginny, Paul, Bailey, and Jamie, for making that a wonderful time and taking me in for as long as you did! And my non-Holland bound familia, Cynthia, Katie, Shannon, and especially my mother Sharon, for being the strong, supportive and loving women that they are!


Not only did all these people help me through trying times, but our shared experiences have all led m to an even stronger sense that my new path in life to become a master-brewer is the thing to do. Europe and the U.K called, and I’m sure as hell I answered. Now, as I start the journey of going through college in pursuit of this goal, I find myself glad to have this blog around to let the these events and people be known as the things that are most important to me. So, again thanks for being there. And for you, at the very least this blog is here to remind you of some of the awesome things you did!


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Something I’ve Been Thinking About

It’s hard to talk about somethings. Especially things that are so close to you, that you know you have a lot of vulnerability about and must ignore the hurt when you have the inevitable disagreement or opposition to your side of things. Let alone when it’s something that you haven’t even come to terms with yourself.

A matter that just so happens to fit this exact definition has come to light just moments ago in my mind. To explain what this matter is, I must explain a couple of personal things and that will be hard, but to my great fortune, I’ve had what alcoholics and Jules(Samuel Jackson) would call, “a moment of clarity.”

As with most amazing moments in life, it consisted of a brief, but powerful moment that fixed problems. Problems are nothing new to any of you, I’m sure. The problems which my moment of clarity fixed have relentlessly nagged, and nagged at me in the back of my head, and have therefore plunged me into a lingering state of mental un-wellness. On the surface, I’ve been myself: energetic, creative, social, loving, conscientious, etc., but a deep inner despair about my current lot in life have made all of those traits less prevalent. (In case you hadn’t guessed, this is where the personal shit comes in)

I am a young man. Life in many senses has barely begun for me. Yet I feel like I’m on death’s doorstep, BUT not for the reason of age. I have been PAINFULLY aware that life can end at any moment, and that worrying about dying is like being terrified that you’ll fall down every set of stairs you come across. The reasons for the discomfort toward morality has simply been because I have not done what it seems like I was meant to. Young men, at least in the common understanding of young (American)men, are supposed to do a lot of amazing partying, have copious amounts of sex, and yet still somehow manage to make an overwhelming success of themselves. The messed up thing is that this has been done, and because these stars have known success, and made it look easy, questions like : “why am I not famous and successful?” start arising, which just jacks up the insecurity meter 10 fold.

Not meeting the standards of such bloated egos should never seriously convince anyone of the slightest bit of proof of inadequacy, but the sad fact remains, that the mind often tries to make cases for the idea of you not being enough of a flaming hot shit, but not because this is what really means the most to us deep down.

The main function of our bodies is fucking. Being a big, make-it-look-easy superstar is seen as the ultimate ‘make babies’ path that the subconscious mind observes, and not being on at least somewhat of a followers’ trail makes it upset. I finally let go of the idea that this did not affect me and it again brought me to a point of pride.

If I was at least a homosexual I could maybe fool my endocrine system into thinking that I fulfilling my need for reproduction, but I am stuck a straight male in an environment full of females who think that I am too weird to even have a spontaneous conversation with. But this isn’t because I’m not mentally capable myself to talk about the things that they commonly wish to talk about, but because I REFUSE to misrepresent myself as someone who gives a fuck. If they do not want to discuss things that I genuinely find interesting, It is probably better for both of us for me just to take one for the team and not contribute. Unfortunately many females do (in all probability)  have interesting introspective, but they appear to only wish to converse about T.V., cosmetics, and their horrific eating habits or lack thereof.

Though this may sound harsh, it is true. People in general have not considered, as deeply as I have, the importance of selflessness. I do wish to have children, but I don’t even want to take a chance at it because I want to be DAMN SURE that I have a stable income, and can support any child I help conceive. What’s more is that the mother and I HAVE to love each other truly, or the families bonds will weaken. I’d rather never bring another child into this already difficult, and overcrowded world with diminishing resources that are vital for human life.

Being more concerned about preserving the beauty of life is a shit load more important than getting my way. If this means I have to suffer not being laid every other day, so be it! I like how I am! There have been plenty of other people who have lived life with a focus on personal achievement over reproductive achievement and had led incredible and full lives. Love is much more fulfilling than rutting, and no amount of brain nagging, or peers suggesting otherwise will ever change that.

If I am to fall in love, it is worth waiting for.

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I’m just making an announcement: I’m done with killing myself with decisions that I know very well to be nails in my coffin.

Thank you.

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The recent spring break that I have just gotten “BACK!” from was an eventful one. It was equally great as it was horrible. So i guess it all evened out.

To give the condensed version:

Santa Cruz was FANTASTIC! My small trio visited my nephew, Jamie, and did a number of the previously mentioned activities, all of which I’m sure the majority of people who enjoy a good time and a beer, or five, have already been experienced in.  We sampled my home brew, which was apparently so up to snuff that it was mistaken by one gentleman to be an actual Arrogant Bastard Ale from the Stone Brewery (Note: If you are a fellow lover of dark beers and have not tried this yet, get the HELL off the computer and have a relaxing night with one of these puppies!). Granted this individual had already had a couple before making the mistake, I still say its was a nice inadvertent compliment. My ONLY regret was not going hiking in the woods around the county, which are absolutely beautiful, but that turned out to be quite alright. Especially considering how much god-awful walking was going to take place in San Francisco and it’s many… many… many hills.

The problem with plans is: they don’t go according to plan sometimes. Such was the case with our trip. We ended up having to spend a night on the street, and the next at a dingy,  crack head and beg bug infested, prostitution haven of a hotel in the Mission in SF. Mostly due to communication and financial complications, which leads me to the most important part of this post: IF YOUR PLANNING A TRIP, MONEY AND A DEFINITE PLACE TO STAY ARE WHAT YOU’D CALL: !!!MUSTS!!!!

Please, if you can avoid the personal endangerment and bowling ball (size 35) of stress that was thrust upon us with such viciousness, I would be that much of a happier person knowing that others won’t go through the same thing.

It will probably be one of those things that we all look back and laugh at some time in the future, but in the back of our minds, at least, there will always be the truth: that it was one of the most horrible experience we have ever had to deal with.

After being beaten down so harshly, a look back at my directly previous post seems almost cocky.

Improvised monologue: San Francisco! Thou keeper of my eternal heart and soul! WTF!?!

Either way, I was right about one thing especially: you learn invaluable life lessons while traveling. I am glad I went. I feel I honestly have been made into a better and stronger person through this ordeal. May you also find the silver-lining  in all your ventures! Stay SAFE! and BTW, from freshly learned experience: pay pall won’t allow you accept money in your account for a while, so that money isn’t yours to spend for a bit!

Thanks for reading,

-Bobby C.

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Pre-trip Bedlam

Friday is done,and the good people of Pasadena City College can heave a large sigh of relief now that their midterms are a thing of the past. Finally, we have all of Spring break to do whatever we please, as long as it is within the means of evasion of altercations with the law, the means allowed by restraints of physics, and the means of the usual bone dry budgets.

I happen to be planning a trip up to Santa Cruz as well as other random parts of the bay area that we may find ourselves in. This means that I will be filling the hours with mounds and mounds of enjoyable pastimes, and my fellow artist and nephew, Jamie Gates, will be present at a good many of the proceedings. Jam sessions, 8-ball, and philosophical discussion (following a couple of rounds) are just a couple of examples of what is surly to occur.

Planning the trip and pulling together an appropriate amount of funds has been, comparatively, less groovy. As I am couch surfing this trip, I have been frantically trying to get places to stay set up, and to make matters worse my cell phone just got stolen. Renting a car for the trip up has been particularly harrowing, since the rental companies slam a gross amount of hidden fees whenever they see fit.

The very reason we’re able to go up at all is thanks to the ride-sharing community, which I am a honorary “Route Builder” for. What that means is that I get extra money for providing rides whenever I take a trip, in exchange for an effort on my part to get the word out, be a positive example of how delightful it is to be apart of ridesharing, all with the ultimate goal of reducing emissions and lessening the blow of traffic. I’ve never had a less than great experience, and I’ve made a couple of friends through the site, but it is a bit of a challenge when you have to sort out all the passenger requests. Main point being: it never feels too good when you have to pick some over others, but I try to keep it as fair as possible.

During this preparation, hearing people discourage me from using my money to elope in such a reckless way has not been a rare sound to hear. I do agree, that money wouldn’t vanish QUITE as fast if I cancelled… But screw that.Image

The open road is, ironically enough, what drives me! Adventures in unknown towns and wildernesses have never failed to be some of the most lovely moments of my life. Miss-adventures have occurred, but even those ended up alright in the end, and, more importantly, have been some of the most important experiences of my entire life. I would not be the same person today if they hadn’t happened.

So if becoming temporarily broke is what it will take to open myself to the wonders of travel, my wallet is just going to have to take that beating. Overconfidence may be saying this for me, but it’s not my first time down similar roads. Screw “and that made all the difference,”! This is  why I’m alive! For peete’s sake!

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Jamie Gates

Hallowed Shroom

Hallowed Shroom

This is the painting that resides in the place of honor, right above my desk. Its a honor in itself to behold such awesomeness every day, and let its beauty inspire me throughout my day.

This is just one of the many pieces that the artist Jamie Gates has crafted. A starving artist living in Santa Cruz, CA, he has dedicated himself in a similar way as myself  to living in the pursuit of creativity. He also happens to be my nephew, and a year older than me, which has always cracked me up a little every time I think about it. If you would like to see more of his fantastic works, below is a link to an article about him. if anyone knows somebody interested in purchasing any of his works, or just sending some remarks his way, feel free to let me know.

Jamie Gates: Evolution of an Artist:

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